Greetings From Maine

I've been up in the woods of Maine for a few days now and despite the rainy weather and the ten too many tiny spiders in my room, I feel amazing. I've been at a voice workshop since Monday and feeling so great about myself, my life and the future that lies ahead. 

But getting ready this morning in the little mirror in my bedroom, I realized there are hardly any mirrors around. I haven't looked at the bottom half of myself since I left New York on Monday. In New York there are shops windows and subway doors that reflect my plump image back to me everywhere I turn. Here at this woodland retreat, I only catch my mirrored top half when I wash my hands in the bathroom. 

It's interesting that here, where I am studying what I love AND here there are so few reminders about all that I think is wrong with me, how much better I feel about myself. Here my self-worth is measured in my connections with the work I am doing and the relationships I am establishing with my fellow workshop members. 

This realization is incredibly freeing and I am hoping to carry this with me back to the city. 

Because I am more than my weight, more than my supposed imperfections. No shop window will ever be able to reflect all of the joy, intelligence, humor and love that I posses inside of me. 

Creation is Love

At a particularly low point in my life, I started The Artist's Way, a 12-week journey of exercises and exploration to help you unleash your inner creative self. I was looking for inspiration to help me continue to live the "NYC Actor" life. Instead, it made me realize all the other things I wanted in life. I immediately stopped auditioning and got a day job to earn the money that would help me make all of my other dreams come true. But that's not the point of this post. The point is that the author was encouraging all of us to embrace our own inner creator because the ultimate Creator loves us and wants us to continue His/Her work of creating.

That really struck me. I was created to create. I give thanks for being created by continuing to create. Creation is an act of love.

I use all the projects in my life (writing, directing, teaching) as a way to distract myself from finding love. But ultimately, all of these projects are love. I am creating something of myself and presenting it to the world. I am giving my love, thoughts, emotions and experience to others. And of course, there is the love that is exchanged between the other members of these projects. We open ourselves to each other, trust that our emotions and hearts will be accepted by and kept safe with these other people. And, at the end of it all, we hopefully walk away with some amazing friendships.

So I am not going to beat myself up for not pursuing love by scoping out dudes on OKCupid or going on countless speed dates. Instead I'm giving thanks that I have the opportunity to create and send love out into the world that way. And when the summer ends and things slow down, then I'll get back to finding just one person to give my love to. And hotdamn, he will be one lucky man.