SpeedDateSecondDate #2

Last night, I went on what should have been a really great date. He called me a few days ago (actually called, not just texted) and we had a really easy, light-hearted conversation. He totally took the reigns and planned a fun night of pool playing, so I was really excited to meet him and get to know him. 

We had fun playing (well, he played. I just knocked the balls around the table with no real strategy whatsoever) and we laughed a lot as we were getting to know each other. But then at some point everything changed and he started to get very forward, almost aggressive. And not in a scary way, but in this "oh, he's latched on and now we're together" sort of way. He's planning all of these future dates for us based on the places in NYC I haven't been to yet (which is admittedly a lot and he's now made it his mission to educate me). I mean, it's fine. Whatever. He has initiative and is invested. I appreciate that. 

But then, because he's decided that we're a thing, he's rubbing up on me and trying to kiss me. I get it, I'm irresistible, but dude! I've known you all of 45 minutes, back up off me! And since you've made me reject you, now it's unnecessarily awkward all because I don't want to make out with a stranger in a public place!

And then as we were leaving, I went to open the door, he blurts out, "No, no, no. Hold on!" I thought maybe I had zoned out and was exiting through a security door or something! Oh no. He just wanted to open the door for me. Fine. But dude, chill out! If my hands are already on the door, don't "correct" me just so you can show me how chivalrous you are!!?!  I appreciate kindness, but I CAN open a door for myself. ***Side note: I understand why women are frustrating and confusing because, when it comes to opening doors, men are damned if they do, damned if they don't. But I honestly don't care. Whoever is at the door first, open it and then hold it open for the people behind you. Done. And PLEASE, do not reposition me as we're walking down the sidewalk so you can walk on the car side. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, but I walk the streets of NYC all the time by myself. I got this. Don't make it a thing!

*Deep Breath*

So ... all of this got me thinking about eagerness in dating. About this time last year, one of my guy friends tried to make out with me in a bar even after I told him multiple times I just wanted to be friends. He persisted in his aggressiveness and ended up creating a lot of drama. I got the same feeling last night. I know that it's important to make our intentions clear and be direct with what we want. But can't you just calm down and get to know me first before you start getting all handsy and trying to push your tongue down my throat? When did we decide that it was okay to just jump straight into making out with anyone we're interested in without permission or regard for how he or she is feeling?

Or am I just becoming a prude in my older age? I can remember a time in my 20s when getting bombed and making out by a pool table on a first date would have been AWESOME! But now, since I'm not really looking for Good-time Charlie anymore, that kind of behavior just seems irresponsible, immature and all kinds of awkward. 

Or maybe it's much more simple than that. Maybe I'm just not into this guy. If it had been someone I WAS really into, maybe I would have LOVED his forwardness and been totally down for a little poolside tonsil hockey.  But as it stands now I feel uncomfortable and unwilling to give him a second chance. My pal, TLC, suggested that since I did have a nice time with him before he went in for the kill, maybe I just meet him for coffee or lunch during the workday. A timed event with no possibility of Romeo trying to take it too far. 

Is that even worth it? We'll see.

PS - I just re-read my own blog post "Write It Off". Sigh. Okay, fine.

The First

I went on the first of my Speed Date Second Dates last Thursday. We both admittedly couldn't remember the other person very well - I couldn't remember his face, but I remembered what we talked about and he had no idea what we discussed but he remembered my smile. We knew that we were initially interested in learning more about each other so we agreed to meet. 

He picked a beautiful hotel bar in Midtown and I met him there after work. He was there first and already drinking a rather girly martini. No judgements. Those things are tasty and can really knock you on your ass. I settled for red wine since the bar had a great wine menu (which relieved me since I've discovered that, in my older age, vodka makes me angry. But that's another story for another time).

Conversation flowed easily. We talked about the Myers-Briggs test which, thanks to our  iPhones and Google, we discovered that, except for the E and I part, we are exactly the same. Side note: why are people so adamant about using this test nowadays as a gauge for whether or not they're compatible with another human being? It just seems like a more acceptable version of astrology. A person's entire personality is summed up in one easily recognizable category and based on that you decide whether or not they're worth pursuing. Instead of "Oh, you're a Scorpio? I can never date a Scorpio." It's now, "I'm only compatible with ENTPs". 

Anyway.

While I had a great time with him, I really only got a friend vibe from the evening. Don't get me wrong, a gal can always use more friends and I would definitely go out with him again. But based on the tiny text exchange afterwards, I doubt I will hear from him in the future. And that's okay. I feel great about meeting him and I have no regrets. 

So on to the next ....

The Run Down

I know you've all been waiting patiently for the update on my Speed Dating adventures, so I apologize that I've been neglecting you. I was in an all-week training and blah, blah, blah. But enough excuses. Here we go.

I was super excited, but really nervous. When you've been single as long as I've been, you really start to believe that there is something wrong with you. The reason you are single is because you are unattractive, uninteresting and generally unappealling all around

And as soon as that first bell rang, I really wondered what I had gotten myself into. My first "date" was no date. Yeah, apparently some dudes came late so a few of us ladies were dateless. Awesome. So I tried to calm down and not swallow my wine in one gulp and just patiently wait for the next date ....

.... Who flat out told me he had a wife and kids!! Okay, I get that there are all kinds of relationships out there, but Dude! DON'T come to a singles event expecting anyone to be interested in that shit. Any single woman in her 30s who comes to Speed Dating is not looking to be your third or your mistress. Go find an event for that and stop wasting my time.

Once I shook off the disastrous start, I started to have a lot of fun. A lot of the guys commented on my beautiful smile, how easy it was to chat with me and that I seemed like a lot of fun. Okay, so not a complete troll.

There were a few other moments that made say, "huh?" One guy sat down and started grilling me. "Are you in sales? Are you in marketing? Have you ever been married? Do you have any kids?" When I answered no to all of the above, he seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. For him, apparently, the ladies had looked unfavorably on him because he's never been married. Come on ladies! Be grateful there's no ex-wife or alimony you have to deal with.

Then there was the super shy librarian who I thought might honestly crumble into a million tiny pieces if a strong breeze came through the bar. (My friend compared him to Milton from Office Space) It was difficult to pry answers out of him, but once he admitted that he finds it hard to trust people, we had a nice, open conversation. Unfortunately, I didn't pick him because let's be honest, I could steam roll this guy and if you've read any of my blog posts up until now, you've probably gathered that I need a man who can stand up to me.

The guys were really interested in the fact that I used to be an actress ("Have you been in anything I would have seen?") including one guy who used his entire three minutes to re-enact his favorite moments from The Big Bang Theory. A bunch of the others wanted to know all about my tattoo and apparently having a tattoo means you're a total tiger in the sack because some of them were not-so-appropriate once they saw it.

But the night ended with two guys out-rightly expressing their interest and I was matched up with four others the next day.

So I feel good about the whole experience. I would definitely recommend it to anyone and everyone (except that dude with a wife and kids). In NYC, it can be difficult to meet new people, so this was a great way to hear different stories, feel new energies, and step out of my comfort zone.

It was a great confidence booster, too. I recognize that I'm not a completely disgusting slob. That I am an interesting person with her shit together (for the most part). There's no need to freak out about being single, because I am a catch and if I keep putting myself out there, eventually someone as equally as wonderful will snatch me up!

Moment of Truth

Well, today is the day of the big experiment called Speed Dating. I have no idea what to expect, how many people I am going to meet or what I'm even going to talk about. Sure, I've run through the scenarios of various questions, but it could all change once there is a living, breathing human being in front of me.

Also, oh my gosh, what if some floozy is wearing my same dress!? I will be mortified. I just hope I win the "Who wore it better?"

At the very least, I will get a free drink and a chance to practice some conversational skills. And hopefully a funny story or two.

Really?!

I know I'm going out on a limb here, but if a guy says in his very first message to you that he is "not a creeper", he is most definitely a creeper. 

The Plunge

I've done it. I've signed up for Speed Dating! This is probably the most proactive I've been in the search for a mate since ... well ... ever. Because let's face it, having an OKCupid profile and searching through available men is about productive as watching caged monkeys at the zoo (only slightly less entertaining).

So on Saturday, my gal pal and I will get all gussied up and head to the bar (thank god there are free drinks) to meet anywhere from 30 to 50 men. I will have only 3 minutes with each of them. So how do you make the most of those three minutes? Well, I just flat out asked Google, "What are good speed dating questions?" and you can imagine the hundreds or responses that came at me. 

I really liked this one from AskMen: Top 10: Speed Dating Questions. These questions really get at the heart of a person and what is important to him or her. I mean, sure I want to ask things like "Do you believe in God?", "Do you want to have kids?", "Are you careful with your money?", because these are important qualities to me, but these are incredibly off-putting questions to ask someone in the FIRST THREE MINUTES of knowing them (they're also awful because they are also just "yes or no" questions).

One guy friend suggested I ask, "What kind of doughnut are you?" and while that sounds silly, it actually could be quite insightful. I mean, I'm a glazed doughnut, because even though I'm simple and seemingly plain, once you have a bite of my sugary fatness, you're going to be addicted and coming back for more.

See?

So this week is all about brainstorming questions and answers. Feel free to help a sister out!

The Dream

I had a dream last night that I witnessed all of Lower Manhattan, all the way up to Midtown, being destroyed by a tsunami. I was not in a position to be harmed by the wave so I wasn't scared, but I was obviously very interested and concerned by the devastation. I woke up with the images in my head and I keep coming back to them throughout my morning.

So I decided to look up what these images might mean. Here's what I found ...

Flood: To dream that you are in a flood represents your need to release some sexual desires. If the flood is raging, then it represents emotional issues and tensions. Your repressed emotions are overwhelming you. Consider where the flood is for clues as to where in your waking life is causing you stress and tension.

Tsunami: To see a tsunami in your dream means that you are being overwhelmed by some repressed feeling or subconscious material that is rising up to the surface.

Hmm ... well, I'm a single woman in her mid-30s, so the first thing the flood represents is not a total shocker. But all the rest about the repressed emotions is interesting. "Consider where the flood is for clues" as to what is causing me "stress and tension". Ha! Well, Manhattan ...

So maybe there is something I'm not being honest with myself about. I'm repressing an emotion and clearly it's effecting me more than I realize. However, the problem with repressed emotions is that they're excluded from your consciousness. So you can't really work on something that you don't know is there.

I suppose for now, I'll just sit and wait. Maybe I'll have another dream that will give me a hint!

"We Were on a Break!"

A brief hiatus while I'm on jury duty. Doing your civic duty is important. Even if you giggle throughout the whole process and ignore the lawyers while staring at the tall, bearded, manly man in your selection group.

More to come ...