The Year of No Fear

So why a year of no fear? Well, I reached what is essentially the beginning of middle age (No joke. It's younger than you think) and realized there are so many things I haven't tried yet. And why is that? Because somewhere along the way I convinced myself (or allowed someone to convince me) that I couldn't do it. And I no longer want to think that I am limited in any way or there is anything out there that I can't do. 

It's only been nine days into this new year and already I'm floored by how many sneaky ways fear infiltrates my life. Suppose you're sitting at the bar waiting for a friend. What is the first thing you do? Well, I'm embarrassed to say it, but after I order my drink, I pull out my phone and start tapping away. Why? Fear. Fear of my environment, talking to someone new, or, Heaven forbid, that someone will see me by myself and think "she's alone which means she's single which means she has no friends which means no one loves her and she will die alone" so let me give myself something to do so it looks like "Yes, I do have friends and loved ones and lead a very important life!!!!" That's a ridiculous spiral, I know, but there is a lot of truth in it. And this example may seem small ("It's not like you're talking about jumping out of a plane, Moodylicious"), but it is a symptom of larger disease. 

I have lived what I have thought is a pretty fearless life. I can pack up my bags and move to a new city with no job or contacts in the area. Sounds exciting to me. I have no problem speaking or singing in front of people. Bring it on. I love it. But I know that there are still dreams I have yet to accomplish and for all of my hard work and determination, I still feel so far away from achieving them. 

So let's try something new. Let's look at what might be in my way. And I know that the answer is not in anything "out there". It's all in here, inside my head and heart. And until I have the courage to face these fears (or just say fuck it and do it anyway), I won't be able to live up to all of amazing possibilities the Universe has waiting for me.