New Year's Visions

I am a big fan of making resolutions in the new year because I love change and self-improvement. However, I really dislike the word "resolution". It feels like an insurmountable obligation or a way to torture ourselves into being the people that we (or other people) think we should be. So instead of making "resolutions", this year I'm creating visions. To me, they sound much more friendly. A clear, lovely picture of what you envision for your life.

I have 9 visions for the New Year. But don't worry. Today I'm just talking about the first vision.

2013 Vision #1: Lose 20 lbs.

Yes, I hear the collective groan from the internet. And before you roll your eyes at me and say "Come on. EVERYONE has that goal and no one keeps it past January 15th", let me slap you down with this chocolate-filled butter croisant and teach you a thing or two.

The reason everyone wants to lose weight is to feel better naked. To feel more attractive. To feel sexy, comfortable and confident in their own skin. Losing weight is the easiest and most tangible way to do this. Sometimes a nice haircut or roll in the sack with a sexy European can do this as well, but these moments are fleeting and rare.

On the flip side, layers of fat are safe. They protect you from people seeing the real you. If you are fat, no one sees you. You are ignored. You don't exist to strangers and/or potential mates, because you are a disgusting, unfuckable mess. No one ever gives you unwanted sexual advances and you pretend that it's better this way because then you can just focus on yourself and your hobbies and your career (and the dozen potato samosas sitting on your lap) and not let anyone get too close to you. These layers of fat literally push everyone away until you are lonely and miserable in your gelatinous cocoon. And when I say you, I obviously mean the general you. And by the general you, I obviously mean me.

Friends tell me all of the time, "You're not fat!" or "You ARE beautiful and sexy. I don't know why you can't see yourself the way WE see you." And to them, I smile and say "Thanks" to shut them up, but know in my heart of hearts that if I were 20 lbs lighter, I may actually get asked out on a date (and not by the old, homeless man who has a thing for fat chicks or the Mexican short-order cook who wants a green card).

Or maybe, MAYBE, if I were 20 lbs lighter, I might even feel sexy and confident enough to ask someone on a date. But the bottom line is, I'm tired of using my fat as an excuse for why I am miserably single.