No Seriously. For Reals This Time.

Vision #2: Quit Smoking For Good

Again, here is one of those resolutions that everyone (who smokes) makes every December 31st. And usually, after they've broken/crushed/flushed the few remaining cigarettes in their pack at the stroke of midnight, once they've had their New Year's Day brunch, they're boozy again and buying another pack.

I smoked a lot in college and in my youthful party days in Chicago (it was legal to smoke in bars then). Grad school was also not a time for quitting, because hello, it's grad school and every awful vice is the only thing keeping you from a complete fucking meltdown. But then, of course, once I became a professional singer/actor I was really good at curbing my dirty little secret and only indulging occasionally. Now that I'm back in an office and only singing at drunken karaoke, I've allowed myself to pick up the dirty habit once again. 

I don't consider myself a "real" smoker because I never buy a pack (my smoker friends love that) and I don't smoke every day. But even a cigarette only every other day is still 180 cigarettes a year and that's still 180 too many. It's time to face the reality of what I am (a smoker) and change it if I don't like it.

The problem is I LOVE smoking. I don't love the taste so much (unless coupled with a Miller Lite! What is that!?), but I love the ritual of it, the deep full breaths and satisfying exhalation. And smokers are always the coolest kids at the party. Smokers are genuinely funny, interesting, creative people and I always want to continue the conversation with them even if it means freezing my ass off in subzero weather sucking down some tar. 

But as amazing as all of this is, I know that it's just about the worst thing for me. It's disgusting, smelly, unattractive, and ultimately killing me slowly with every puff I take. And while Vision #1 is to satisfy other people (you know, so I might one day become desirable again to another human being), Vision #2 is truly just for me. I want to experience that satisfying, deep, full breath without feeling the rumble of phlegm and carcinogenic tar. I want to have the strength and will power to stand outside and chat with the cool kids but not feel the craving to light one up myself. 

And I'm sure they'll appreciate not having their adorable but delusional friend mooching from them at every turn.