Time Away

This weekend I went upstate with a friend to visit her family and celebrate the accomplishments of her younger brother. It was so generous of them to allow me to become an honorary member of the family for a few days. Watching them interact made me realize how, at the heart of everything, all families are the same. They're made up of the jokesters, the quiet ones and the ones that always want to pay for everything. There is always drama and heartache but there is always love.

Being with her family made me deeply miss my own. People move to New York to pursue their dreams and find themselves. And I am certainly doing that. I just hope that it all pays off. That when I look back, I will feel like it was the right decision and not mourn the lost time with my family.

As my parents get older, I know I should be soaking up every precious moment with them. Can I really do that from thousands of miles away?

This weekend, it really hit me just how important family is. That no matter what happens between mother and father, father and daughter, brother and sister, working towards forgiveness, love and joy is absolutely necessary. Because at the end of the day, sometimes family is all that we have. And all that really matters.

Home

I am sitting in traffic (yes, I'm blogging and driving) after singing in a benefit for a theatre company in my home town. If ever I have felt "the love" it was today. The two men who run the company are a beautiful example of love and partnership. They genuinely love each other, the creative people they hire and the community in which they have chosen to work.

It is because of this love that I flew a thousand miles to be a part of their first annual benefit. It was just lovely to see my dear friends and reunite with my cast members. We picked up exactly where we left off as if no time had passed at all: the mark of true friendship.

And it is wonderful to be in my hometown, to be able to spend time with my loving family and to be able to perform for them. And only a few times have I been asked, "when are you moving back?"

It has been a weekend full of love and joy and a great reminder that no matter what happens in NYC, I know there are people out there who love me and to whom I can always come home.

Rose and Jer

In the mail yesterday, I received two Valentine's Day cards: one from my mom and one from my dad. They're vacationing out in Arizona (you know, as retired Baby Boomers do) and they took the time out of their vacation to make sure I received some love this week.

I am not a big card giver. If I'm going to give you a present, shouldn't the present be enough? You mean I gotta pay an extra 3, 5, 7 bucks to tell you in a card what I already tell you in real life? My parents, however, are fantastic card givers. Especially my dad. For as ornery, stubborn and sarcastic as he is, that man is full of love. He will spend hours at Hallmark pouring over the cards to find the perfect one that expresses exactly what he feels.

My mother is also a special card giver. She is much quieter than my father and not as prone to expressing her feelings as Dad and I (he and I are both Geminis so they tend to explode out of us). But she has a beautiful way of picking the card that reveals to me the incomparable depths of a mother's love.

Last night when I read both of those cards at my kitchen table, I burst into tears. Partly because I miss them a lot and wish that we lived closer, but mostly because I realized how lucky I am to be loved so much. 

It's Where the Heart Is

Vision #8: Build a New Home

In NYC, I think the most important element to your survival is your home. This city can be disgusting and soul crushing and unless you have a sanctuary to fall into after a day's beating, it's a very short road to becoming that lady with the lipstick smeared all over her face who is having a conversation with her to purse in the subway. And while I love my roommate, my apartment and neighborhood, it's just not my sanctuary. 

I mean, I love NYC: the people (talking purse lady included), the culture, the food, the energy, all of it. But I'm a gal from Kansas and, while I loathe the politics and close-mindedness of that state, I miss it. Hard. I miss seeing a sky full of stars, the scent of burning leaves in the crisp Fall air, walking barefoot in the Summer grass and catching lightening bugs, driving in my car with the windows down and radio cranked up and singing at the top of my lungs. These are things that are a part of my DNA that I simply cannot find here. 

And since it's not plausible to move back to the Midwest (or any place with a big open sky, fresh air and green grass) at this moment, I have to find a way to make my current domicile as comforting as watching the sunset from my back porch. Maybe I cook more, rearrange the furniture or even move into my own place. I don't know. Just something that will give me that same sense of peace as home.

PS - Anyone who knows me knows that I am madly in love with my roommate. He is one of the most intelligent, hilarious, talented and generous men I know. So I want to make it clear that this post had nothing to do with him or the two of us as cohabitants. We're quite good actually. We joke that "our crazies match". And while there are areas that we (that's the general we) can change in any relationship, we put up with the "annoying stuff" because we love that person we're with. No, this post was all about me. Or didn't you know that already? That's it's always all about me ;)