And It Wasn't So Bad

Well, I actually had a good time on my date. I went back to work with a big smile on my face. Not because I think there's a love connection, but because that was the first online date that wasn't awful. I genuinely enjoyed meeting someone new.

He is not at all what I go for and I'm not all that attracted to him, but in an effort to not discount people and miss out on something potentially great, I will go out with him again.

I'm not going to put all my eggs in his basket though. Tonight I will find a few guys on OKC and send them a message. I'm keeping my options open and putting myself out there!

Showtime!

So ... I have a date today.

Yeah, it's a guy from online and he's not at all what I usually go for, but I'm excited nonetheless. We're going on a simple afternoon coffee date, so it's low pressure. And since it's on my lunch hour, there is a definite out if it's a total shit show.

But it's not going to be.

We're going to remain positive, remember? And we're going to keep an open mind and not totally discount him at every little "say what?!" Who knows. He may be "the one", he may turn out to be a good friend or he may just be good practice. Either way, I'm getting free coffee and that's always a good thing. 

It's Like Auditioning

I met a gal back in 2011 who was fresh out of a divorce and blowing up OKCupid like it was her job. She was/is an actress and she looked at these online dates like they were auditions. You go on as many as you can, do your best in the room and then when it's over, let it go. If you get a callback, great. If not, that's okay, too. You're just not right for the role.

When I was a professional actor, I was amazing at auditioning and keeping track of everyone I auditioned for and following up. I had no fear or shame in networking and pursuing an artistic director with whom I wanted to have a relationship. So what's the difference in dating? I'm not suggesting I keep the same detailed records of the jokers on these dating sites, but maybe I could put myself out there with the same passion and joy that I used to with my career.

Challenge: jump back into online dating (because that's how people in NYC meet each other) and message five guys a week. That's doable right?

Write It Off

I wrote this a few weeks ago after an online date cancelled on me. I was at brunch with a friend and when I got the text, I proceeded to knock back mimosas. Quickly. So this embarrassing bit of drivel was written on the drunken subway ride home.

My first date in I don't know how many months ends in this text message ... "Hey, I woke up with strep throat. Can we reschedule?" Oh really? Do you have a doctor in your apartment to swab you AND do a culture hours before you and I are to meet up to find out that you do indeed have this contagious disease? Wow. You're lucky. I wish all my dates had doctors on the ready to decipher if they may or may not be able to pass on to me some sort of disgusting (probably totally false) disease to me.

Good luck with all of that. I hope you feel better.

And for the record, never bother to call me or text me again since you don't have the decency to give me an actual honest reason why you don't want to meet me.

Okay ... 

So clearly I have some anger/trust issues to work through.

My friend LRo, who is so amazingly positive and full of hope, immediately chastised me for my negativity in writing this guy off. "Moods, EVERYONE is getting sick!" It's true, there is a gross plague going around. "Give this guy another chance."

So when the dude texted me later that week, I responded that "Sure, I'd love to reschedule." But I haven't. And not because I'm pissed or anything. I just don't care anymore. I'm no longer interested.

Why is it so easy to write people off after one little slip up? I've heard and said it all. "He didn't open the car door.""He drinks White Zinfandel" "He wore socks when we had sex." "He seemed mildly autistic." "He wore flip flops." "He thrust a tea strainer in my face and told me he put his 'dreams' inside because it was his 'Dream Diffuser'".

I really do wish some of the guys who have dumped me or never called me back would have told me the reasons they wrote me off. I can only imagine. "She bites her finger nails. "She has stubby toes" "Her teeth are too big." "She ordered a cheeseburger AND fries." "She laughs too loud." "She totally biffed it on the sidewalk." (That last one's probably true. I am quite clumsy.)

I'm sure I would be hurt and offended if I really knew their actual reasons for shunning me after only one date. Because one date is not a measure of who this person is. Sure, sometimes there just isn't a spark, but one little slip up shouldn't be the reason we totally discredit a person's worth. Am I free from mistakes? Have I never gotten sick? Have I never made a bad fashion choice? Or chosen a White Zin because sometimes you just want something light and refreshing, damnit!

So my challenge: keeping an open mind. Giving people a chance, and maybe even a second chance. Do not totally discredit a person just because he wears a brown belt with black shoes. Because, obvs, I would never do that ...

The Difference a Year Makes

A year ago today, on this last Friday in January, I was hit by a car on my way to work. This morning, I've been a little emotional and anxious thinking back to that day. Every single time I leave my apartment and cross my street (and that's not a hyperbole, folks), I remember that moment that I glanced to my right and the car was already upon me. I also vividly recall that split second between the car striking me and my head slamming into the pavement; that complete surrender to God's will that this was my last moment on Earth. "This is happening" was all I said. What a weird thought to potentially be my last.

There was much chaos that ensued, some heartwarming and some hilarious. You can read my full account here if you'd like. I wrote it about a week after the accident for my coworkers (they love juicy details, those blood suckers).

But what I remember most about that day is the amount of love that was showered upon me. From my neighbors that ran to my need, to the friend who picked me up at the hospital and brought me a fresh change of clothes. And all of the friends that rallied around me the rest of the day and that weekend, helping me face the world again. To them, I am forever grateful.

And I am thankful for this extra year. I have no idea why God spared my life, but I'm simply trusting that there is a reason,. That I was put on this Earth to do great things and my work is simply not yet finished.

A Witch's Titty

Holy Hell! It's cold in NYC. When I lived in Chicago, it would be like this for months. I would stand on the Belmont platform and feel my tears freeze on my face. But clearly I've become a pansy since moving East.

I have no thoughts or motivations when it's this cold out. I just want to snuggle my layers of fat under a down comforter and watch episodes of Parks and Recreation. So today, I can only offer this ...

Why You Really Shouldn't Be Upset About How Cold It Is Outside

Photo from DiscoWeasel

And this ...

25 Dogs Bundled Up For Winter

Photo from dogster.com

A look at why winter, with all of its misery-inducing shenanigans, is still pretty awesome.

He's Just Not That Into You

I don't know of you've read this book or seen the movie, but for some reason I cannot get it out of my mind lately. I read the book back in the summer of 2007 and it really pissed my off. Primarily because it was basically saying that a woman should never pursue a man or make the first move because if a guy is interested in you, he'll pursue you. I thought we went through a revolution that made it okay for us women to go after what we want in ALL areas of our lives!?! And this smarmy dude with the frosted tips (Seriously?) is telling me to just sit around until someone decides to take an interest in me! FU, self-proclaimed "King of Nope"!

Once I had poured a glass of wine and picked up the book from where I had thrown it, I pondered on my past relationships where I gave 120% and did everything I could to make it work. These are the relationships that were the most dysfunctional and emotionally and mentally abusive. Maybe this jack bag was on to something!

Even now, there is this person who keeps coming back into my life, and every time he does, I allow him to get under my skin. And once he's there, I'm always that one that initiates contact and the one who tries to keep the connection. And guess what!? We are no closer than we were when we met umpteen years ago. According to the book, if he's not calling me, texting me or telling me he wants to be with me, he's just not that into me. Okay, so save my energy for the guy who will call and text and tell me he wants to be with me! I get it.

However, where does this great dating advice leave me in terms of being able to go after what I want? How am supposed to "put myself out there" when, once I'm out there, I have no ability to actually pursue anyone. But if I don't want to be single, I'm just suppose to settle for the toothless maintenance man who barely speaks any English, because THAT'S the guy who IS calling me and asking me out?

 

All that this book has really taught me is to not give a shit. Don't care about or invest in anyone until he has shown you the proper attention. I have to write off any guy who doesn't call/text/ask me out and since I CAN'T ASK ANYONE OUT, I'll just have to continue to wallow in this single cesspool. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Is there any happy middle ground here?